Choose a passage (at least four sentences long) from your original fairy tale and rewrite the passage so that each sentence is a simple sentence. Then, write an analytical paragraph exploring how this change to sentence structure changes the meaning of the passage.
As always, be sure to prioritize your ideas (not summary) and provide specific textual evidence in support of your ideas. Continue to practice varying your sentence structure.
Once upon a time there was a small village. The village was on the outside of a kingdom. The tiny village wasn’t rich or big. The village was still beautiful. Inside this beautiful village lived a beautiful couple.
ReplyDeleteI think this activity is going to be very difficult. Just reworking these four sentences was tough, let alone reworking our entire stories. The change in structure for this passage both simplifies the sentence but the overall story behind it. By taking out half of the words, you have to change the story along with it. The meaning is changed by taking out the "harder" words and more complex ideas for appealing to a younger audience.
There once was a wise king, Edward, who lived in a castle with his beautiful queen. One day, the queen gave birth to a baby boy. The king threw a party to celebrate. He invited all the kings in the land to come celebrate the birth of this prince. One visiting king grew jealous of the prince. He had had only girls and wanted a boy to inherit his kingdom.
ReplyDeleteThis change in sentence structure does not make the meaning any different but makes it into more sentences. I think this project will be extremely difficult because with only 16 simple sentences to work with it will be extremely difficult to convey the original meaning of the fairy tale.
Once there was a witch. She lived very far away. Her name was Trinity. She really wanted a friend. She could never make friends. People were scared of her. She was actually very kind. People did not giver her a chance. Some days she would not talk to anyone. She became sad and lonely. She decided to do something. She only left her house to go to the grocery store.
ReplyDeleteTurning all of the sentences in the passage into simple sentences, was surprisingly easy, but at the same time very annoying. The passage does not make very much sense, and it is obviously very choppy. Like the sentences, “She decided to do something. She only left her house to go to the grocery store,” did not make very much sense next to each other without a coordination conjunction to connect them. I have a feeling that I will not have trouble making the sentences simple, but only writing 16! My story is complicated, so it will definitely be a challenge.
The girl ran into her room. She was bored and confused. The girl studied the little statue of the castle that the boy had given her. Everything was so accurate. The door suddenly knocked. The girl was startled and dropped the glass figurine. It shattered into a million little pieces.
ReplyDeleteBy changing the sentence structure of the story, the overall story has somehow changed. Despite the literal meaning of the story staying the same, it is hard to maintain the same tone that it had before. A short, simple sentence among longer sentences loses its weight. The sentence structure can take away a passage’s ability to have a certain effect on the reader. Overall, in only uses simple sentences, the story is deprived of the impact and weight it had before and is left with the basic skeleton of the story.
Henry grew up. As Henry grew older he started to pay attention.
ReplyDeleteOne day he told his father that he longed to visit the other kingdoms. King Charlie walked away.
When I converted the original passage to the simple sentence structure I was forced to add extra sentences in between to make the passage make sense. For example, at the start of the passage, it starts with "Henry grew up." This sentence was originally "As Henry grew up." But when I changed the sentence I had to take out the "As." The meaning of the passage doesn't necessarily change. The intentions from the original passage are still being conveyed. They are just being conveyed in a much simpler way.
Ophelia begged her parents to let her sword fight. Her parents didn't listen to her. Ophelia was very conflicted. She wanted to please her parents. She also wanted to follow her dreams. She wanted to change the way the women in her family were living. She felt like she needed her whole family on board with her decision to follow her dreams.
ReplyDeleteWriting in just simple sentences made it much harder to have depth in the passage. In my real story, this passage was very emotional, and it was Ophelia's point of realization. I found that I wasn't able to portray the hardship she was going through in the way I was when I had the choice of sentence structure. Writing in simple sentences also made it somewhat monotone which made it hard for me to write in a way that would engage the reader. This changes the meaning of the passage because it doesn't reveal what is important and what isn't. Writing in simple sentences reminded me of writing an outline. There wasn't much detail or emotion conveyed.
There once was a kingdom by the name of Crispion. A king, queen, and their pure daughter Kate lived happily in the kindom's palace. Kate was the pride and joy of her parents. The kingdom's residents adored Kate and her kindness.
ReplyDeleteWriting in only simple sentences made it difficult for the story to flow. In a couple instances, I was also forced to reword my sentences to make it slightly more fluid. For example, I rewrote, "There once was a kingdom by the name of Crispion. A king, queen, and their pure daughter Kate lived happily in the kindom's palace". Before, I had written that in one sentence, but after making it into only simple sentences, I had to reword it in order for the passage to make sense to the reader. Transferring my passage into simple sentences was not only difficult, but also revealed it's inability to be fluid by simultaneously forcing me to read it in a monotone.
Anais Singh-Gee Blog Post
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time there was a young girl named Lana Kvitova. Lana was an aspiring pro tennis player for the Czech Republic. Her parents hoped one day they could watch her on Tennis Channel. Lana showed she was an absolute natural.
When I re-wrote this passage in only simple sentences, it transformed the story into a different level of writing. It not only cut down the amount of words per sentence, but also made the story so much simpler and boring. The deatails were forced to be left out, which doesn't help the reader become engaged and understand the story. Because the sentences were cut down so much, it feels like there is not emotion- almost as if a beginner in English was writing it, and didn't know how to convey what they were thinking into the words.
Ganji often felt underappreciated. He had dreams of living like the other animals. Ganji toiled away in the fields under the baking sun. The cows munched on the grass. Ganji turned the acres of soil on the expansive farm. The pigs lounged in their own excrement. Ganji dragged carts heaped with crops. The chickens laid in their coop. Ganji slowed in his work. The farmer hit the horse with his switch.
ReplyDeleteThe simplification of this passage not only changed the tone and meaning, but also changed the appeal and flow. The message and voice was clearly reduced to an elementary school student with a decent vocabulary. However, even more prominent was the inability for me to even express my ideas. I could not find a way to rework the final two sentences, which were originally one sentence, to convey the same idea. While in my original story I framed it as a possible occurrence, in this exercise I was forced to break up the sentence into two less powerful ideas. Also, I was not able to achieve the contrast that I wanted in the middle six sentences. In my unedited story, these were only three sentences, used to display the difference between Ganji's life and the life of his fellow farm animals. Changing these to simple sentences made the passage feel disconnected and erratic. However, I think that if I were to start out only writing simple sentences, instead of modifying already existing complex sentences, I would have an easier time. Ultimately, this exercise demonstrated the power of varying sentence structure. I think my story has a fairly (pun intended) simple plot line, so I think creating a more accessible piece will be a reasonable assignment, and a creative challenge.