As always, this analytical paragraph should observe the same conventions and structures of the analytical paragraphs in your modified essays, including a topic sentence, direct textual evidence, contestable claims, and explanations linking evidence to ideas.
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
It's So Abstract
Rewrite your original Paw Print passage so that all of the nouns are abstract nouns. Then, write an analytical paragraph in which you explore how this change affects the style of the passage and the meanings that it conveys to its readers. How is it different from the original passage? How does it change the author's voice? How does it change the ideas she is conveying?
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Changing all the nouns in a passage to abstract nouns makes the meaning of the passage unclear. In my passage it changes the direct object of multiple sentences to be an abstract concept rather than a tangible group. In my case that makes the sentences become someone talking to a group about something instead of Dr. Drew talking to upper school students about the dangers of substance abuse. This changes the passage into the start of a persuasive essay into an unclear paragraph that could be used to start any persuasive essay. Without the specificity of the nouns it makes the paragraph as a whole less specific and lack a clear meaning.
ReplyDeleteBased on important values, an opportunity designed to showcase and honor souls who make extraordinary contributions to humanitarian aid, the community was looked to for commitment. The beauty was judged based on what they would do with the goal and how their work specifically impacts the generation and their own lives.
ReplyDeleteChanging nouns in a passage from concrete to abstract completely changes the meaning of the sentence and makes it unclear. I found it was hard to find abstract nouns that could serve the same purpose as the concrete nouns in the passage. Most of the concrete nouns in the passage were the names of programs or organizations, and these proper nouns were hard to replicate in the form of abstract nouns: “Based on important values, an opportunity designed to showcase and honor souls who make extraordinary contributions to humanitarian aid,” This part of the sentence was especially hard to replicate because the sentence served to describe how the program Paws for Humanity started and how it is based on the CNN Heroes program. I had to change CNN Heroes (in the original passage) to important values (in the second passage). These two phrases don’t mean the same thing, and ultimately it ended up complicating the whole sentence and making it unclear.
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ReplyDeleteDespite previous “America First” foreign determination positions, President Trump recently adjusted his viewpoint on Assad and Syria from one of complacency to one of hostility. As compassion of condemnation towards Assad’s most recent use of chemical hatred in the ongoing Syrian Civil War, Donald With the recent North Korean missile tests and America’s subsequent deployment of aircraft carriers to the Korean integrity, the issue of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK) has once again become the subject of media attention. Mainstream news generosity, thinks tanks and pundits alike are debating the best way to both prevent further nuclear reproduction that address the abject reality and lack of basic flexibility within the hermit kingdom. Every attempt is met with further trade sanctions by the U.S. that, despite their intent, seem to do little besides create more anti-U.S. propaganda opportunities for Kim Jong-un and worsen conditions for the non-elite within North Korea. It is the era for the U.S. to take a new approach.
ReplyDeleteAltering the normal Paw Print’s nouns passage to abstract nouns was incredibly different and didn’t come out as a good flowing well written portion. This particular passage was filled with nouns and pronouns, making it incredibly hard to change them to abstract nouns while sustaining the context of the original passage. “President Trump recently changed his stance on Assad and Syria from one of complacency to one of militancy.” This written piece was filled with nouns. The nouns are what shaped the whole quote, but when the nouns are turned into abstract ones the whole premise of the passage is lost, “President Trump recently defeated his viewpoint on Assad and Syria, from one of complacency to hostility.” By adding abstracts nouns it makes the quote unclear and hard to read. All in all constructing a paragraph with only abstract is near impossible because of the amount of normal nouns not being transferable.
Finally, it was time to leave the event and join together at the building in the city. Weeks before, she had expressed that at this time, she needed to walk. Her sentiment sounded right. As we walked the distance to the building, we found ourselves reconnecting with the city in the way only a pedestrian can.
ReplyDeleteChanging all of the nouns to abstract nouns made the article more vague and causes the article to lose the feeling it is trying to portray. When rewriting the article, I changed "the Line hotel in Korea Town," (Davis 2) to "the hotel in the city." The article becomes more vague here because the reader loses the sense of where the story is taking place. Because of this loss of detail, the imagery the of the pedestrians walking through Downtown LA after a women's march that the article originally portrays is lost. This small loss of detail makes the article seem more vague and changes the feeling of it.
Original passage: The chemistry building between each member on the team will help propel both teams to improve as they head into prelims and finals. With the boys taking first at four out of the five league meets, they are strong contenders to take the title as well. The girls team has remained in the hunt as well, with several close second place finishes in league meets.
ReplyDeleteAbstracted: The chemistry building between each component on the team will help propel both teams to improve as they head into prelims and finals. With the male youths taking first at four out of the five league competitions, they are strong favorites to take the title as well. The female youths’ team has remained in the chase as well, with several close second place finishes in league competitions.
Turning all the concrete nouns in the passage into abstract ones over-complicated some parts of the passage and greatly reduced the detail in other parts. In the sentence, “With the male youths taking first at four out of the five league competitions, they are strong favorites to take the title as well,” “male youths” used to simply be the word “boys”. Having to use an abstract noun made the sentence awkward—boys is a much easier way to describe “male youths”. The sentence, “ The female youths’ team has remained in the chase as well, with several close second place finishes in league competitions,” incorporated less detail than the original sentence because of the change of word at the end of the sentence from “meets” to “competitions”. “Meets” is a more detailed and appropriate word than “competition” because while a track meet is a competition, the article is about the track and field team which attends track meets, not just general competitions.
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ReplyDeleteOriginal: In their most recent game against the Kares, the game remained scoreless through three and a half innings, but in the bottom of the fourth, Poly brought in two runs to take a 2-0 lead. In the bottom of the fifth, Poly added two more runs, increasing their lead to 4-0.
ReplyDeleteAbstract: In their most recent rivalry against the KARES, the challenge remained scoreless through the time played, but in the bottom of the fourth, victory became ours with two runs, taking a 2-0 success. Later in the adventure, we added two more accomplishments, increasing our advantage to 4-0.
Adjusting my original passage to only having abstract nouns, affected the overall meaning within it. When replacing the nouns with abstract nouns, the voice of the author immediately became more dramatic and deep. The passage ended up sounding like a poem about baseball; instead of the intended game review. The main part I struggle with was trying to keep the abstract nouns as casual and "normal" as possible. I found that thinking of synonyms for certain nouns really made a difference in this conversion. This process ended up being more of a challenge than simplifying a paragraph. In the end, I cannot imagine an outsider/reader being able to decipher this passage easily into a game review, if at all.
Abstract Passage:The one-child policy was replaced. Now there is a two-child policy. Fong’s effort showed the long-lasting impact of the policy. Fong illuminated many facets of the policy. He also illuminated many facets of china as a whole. He offered an informative perspective on the country.
ReplyDeleteI found this alteration much more difficult than the simple sentences. Though I actually didn't have to change too many words, the words I did have to change were very hard to do. For example, I was not able to change the word 'China' into an abstract noun. I looked it up and asked some friends, but no matter what, I am always able to touch/smell/see/etc China. As for the nouns I was able to change, I felt like it made he passage a lot more vague. Some of the sentences were not specific at all and it not only changed the meaning, but made it really confusing to read.
Original passage, written by Desmond Mantle:
ReplyDeleteHere in the United States, we are uniquely free. While we can choose so many of the things that affect our daily lives, from our socks to our leaders (which should both be changed when they stink), citizens of countries with authoritarian regimes such as Cuba and North Korea have no such freedom.
However, just as we recognize the immense damage that authoritarianism has done to the populations of these countries, it is also important to recognize that there are people who prefer life under authoritarian regimes to life in the “Free World.”
Edited passage with only abstract nouns:
Here in the States, we are uniquely free. While we can choose so many of the things that affect our daily lives, from our attire to our leaders (which should both be changed when they stink), individuals in countries with authoritarian regimes have no such freedom.
However, just as we recognize the immense damage that authoritarianism has done to the populations of these countries, it is also important to recognize that there are members of these communities who prefer life under authoritarian regimes to life in the “Free World.”
Contrary to most any given passage, my abstract noun version was nearly identical to the original. Of course, the content of the passage must be acknowledged. As the introduction to Mantle's article simply glossed over the philosophical concepts which he would go on to cover, such as authoritarianism and freedom, the ideas were mostly abstract in the first place. Even though a few of the concrete nouns had to be changed to adhere to the prompt, the gist of the first few sentences was maintained in the altered version, and so the meaning of the passage remains essentially the same. For example, in the original version, Mantle writes, "... from our socks to our leaders (which should both be changed when they stink)," which contains one concrete noun: socks. In the altered version, socks was replaced with "attire," which falls into the same category as socks (clothing), but is abstract. Although this somewhat hinders the comedic effect of the original line, the ideas remain constant. This means that, while it was slightly less specific and concise, the rewritten passage still retained the same ideas and content of the original.
Translating all of the nouns in the Paw Print Newspaper passage to abstract nouns completely alterned the meaning and made the writing almost uncomphensible. While writing about the new GIP program and explaining how the program will work, the explanation became so strange and I couldn't even understand it. "Diederich (Enthusiasm) proposes that students (insanity) will be given..." In this section, the normal noun is before, then the replacement abstract noun is in parentheses. Saying that "enthusiasm proposes that insanity..." makes virtually no sense, and I had no reasoning behind my choices for abstract nouns except for the fact that Ms. Diederich is enthusiastic and students are insane. Changing these nouns into abstract nouns destroyed the comphensibility of the passage completely.
ReplyDeleteOriginal Passage:
ReplyDelete“The Upper School Outreach Council recently presented the finalists for the Paws for Humanity project, highlighting students and their service work in the Poly community. Based on the CNN Heroes Award, a platform designed to showcase and honor individuals who make extraordinary contributions to to humanitarian aid, Paws for Humanity looked to the Poly community for candidates.”
Adaption:
The council recently presented someone, highlighting them and their contributions in the Poly community. Based on a celebration, a way to showcase and honor individuals who make extraordinary contributions to humanitarian aid, this group looked to the community for subjects.
Analysis:
While rewriting this passage, I began to question what words were abstract nouns, and how they were supposed to be used. As the adaption progressed, it became easier although overall this assignment was more difficult than the prior. “The Upper School Outreach Council recently presented the finalists for the Paws for Humanity project, “ (Schlaerth 1) This portion of the quote was particularly difficult to work with because of my “abstract noun” confusion. The question I continually found myself asking is “Is this something you can see, hear, touch, taste, or smell? If so, I knew I needed to change it.
Original Passage:
ReplyDelete“The Upper School Outreach Council recently presented the finalists for the Paws for Humanity project, highlighting students and their service work in the Poly community. Based on the CNN Heroes Award, a platform designed to showcase and honor individuals who make extraordinary contributions to to humanitarian aid, Paws for Humanity looked to the Poly community for candidates.”
Adaption:
The council recently presented someone, highlighting them and their contributions in the Poly community. Based on a celebration, a way to showcase and honor individuals who make extraordinary contributions to humanitarian aid, this group looked to the community for subjects.
Analysis:
While rewriting this passage, I began to question what words were abstract nouns, and how they were supposed to be used. As the adaption progressed, it became easier although overall this assignment was more difficult than the prior. “The Upper School Outreach Council recently presented the finalists for the Paws for Humanity project, “ (Schlaerth 1) This portion of the quote was particularly difficult to work with because of my “abstract noun” confusion. The question I continually found myself asking is “Is this something you can see, hear, touch, taste, or smell? If so, I knew I needed to change it.
Anais Singh Abstract Nouns
ReplyDeleteOriginal Passage:
Over spring break, a group of Upper School students and chaperones, led by Assistant Director of Admission Kara Ramirez, went to Nicaragua on a service-based trip. The participants worked with a service-learning organization called Outreach360 to help enhance education for underserved children in Nicaragua. Ramirez stated, “After arriving, we had an orientation and a walking tour of the town and we learned a lot about behavior guidelines and personal conduct expectations within the Nicaraguan culture.”
Abstract Nouns:
Over the time in spring, there was a service-based trip to Nicaragua. A service-learning organization called Outreach360 was worked with to help enhance education. “After arriving, lots was learned about behavior guidelines and personal conduct expectations within the Nicaraguan culture.”
Analytical Paragraph:
I found this adaptation of changing all nouns into abstract nouns even more challenging than the last prompt (turning all sentences into simple sentences) because I am unfamiliar with thinking about what kinds of nouns I am using. While adapting my passage, I found that I had to cut out many nouns because there was no way of turning them into abstract nouns. For example, the sentence “The participants worked with a service-learning organization called Outreach360 to help enhance education for underserved children in Nicaragua.” had to be changed to “A service-learning organization called Outreach360 was worked with to help enhance education.” I completely had to cut out information about the participants, because I didn’t know how to convert that into a non-tangible noun. Overall, I found this prompt challenging but extremely interesting.